I have an Ubuntu 12.04 server at home with GUI running.

It does many things, like Apache virtual hosts (several WordPress sites hosted for me and my mates), Samba server, Mini DLNA server and some other stuff. It's great, we think it's the ants pants in our house, it serves media all round the house flawlessly (much more useful and better than our old rig which ran Windows 7). I use Webmin to manage just about everything on it. Big up to Webmin, it's great, but it has limitations (for me and my limited skills).

Here's the thing. When I am away from home (a lot), I want to be be able to drive the Ubuntu server desktop (is that an oxymoron? maybe I mean Ubuntu server GUI) remotely (I know I should learn command prompt via ssh, but I am stupid and don't have time. ;) Last time I opened the port (22) to SSH, I read the logs and was getting hammered by hacking attempts. So I closed the port on the router.

Our Internet connection at home is cable and super fast. When I am away from home I use a 3G connection on an iPad retina and a laptop running Windows. Way too slow to get torrents (not to mention expensive for data).

So, my question is "How do I connect to my server remotely with VNC client or something like that and operate it like I am sitting in front of it with the GUI?"

Webmin is good, but I want to use a browser on the server remotely and start torrents. So when I get home, everything is done and waiting for me to watch on my DLNA enabled devices at home.